Children, teens, and their parents are under more stress than ever. Lists of “things to do” and “stars to reach for” grow longer. More to do means more stress to manage. This advice about stress management for children may seem ironic but holds true: When your child or teenager seems stressed by a busy schedule, schedule some time for free play.
Free play offers an excellent opportunity for parents to interact with their children and teenagers. Both children and their parents can realize benefits. Playtime is a great time for bonding, laughing, relaxing, and enjoying one another.
Playtime or unstructured downtime options are many and diverse–arts and crafts, hanging out with friends or instant messaging them via the computer, writing in a journal, cooking part of the family meal, or simply daydreaming. Children and adolescents benefit from unstructured but constructive, self-directed time to have fun. Obviously, organized sports with uniforms and the pressure to win do not count as free play. Watching television or video gaming doesn’t count either.
Young people have less time for free play today because of busier lives and greater emphasis on academics and enrichment activities. Yet, according to the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP), play is important in promoting healthy child development and maintaining strong parent bonds. Play “contributes to the cognitive, physical, social, and emotional well-being of children and youth,” emphasizes the AAP.
What Is Stress?
Stress is a normal and necessary part of life. Stress can be positive or negative–depending on how someone handles the situation and the resources that are available. Also, what is stressful for one person may not be for another. For example, one person may view a stressful experience like changing schools as an exciting challenge. Someone else might feel nervous and insecure. How individuals handle stress differs, too. Most reactions fit into the categories of fight, flight, or freeze. The consequences of stress are far reaching. Research shows a strong relationship between stress and substance abuse. Stress can alter a person’s physiology and contribute to the development of such illnesses as high blood pressure, diabetes, and addiction. Children and adolescents who are stressed may show signs of emotional problems, aggressive behavior, shyness, anxiety, and fear in social situations.
Can Stress Be Managed?
Yes. Stress management for children and adolescents begins with recognizing the causes of stress. Some examples are a fight with a friend or a sibling, an upcoming test, a new school, a family conflict, and, of course, overscheduling. Choices about drinking, smoking, drugs, and sex, along with fears about violence, are common stressors for adolescents.
Symptoms of stress are not always obvious in children and youth. An adult might say, “I am stressed out.” Instead, a young person may complain, “My stomach hurts.”
Overscheduled children and adolescents are more likely to experience anxiety, especially about their performance. They may not want to go to school or participate in activities. They may experience sleep interruptions and changes in their eating patterns.
When stressors and symptoms occur, parents can use a variety of practical strategies such as changing their child’s schedule or seeking mental health counseling. Parents can offer more unscheduled time for good, old-fashioned play. Play helps children and adolescents manage stress and reach their full potential. Young people often are overscheduled with structured activities, according to Dr. T. Berry Brazelton, a well-known pediatrician and child development expert affiliated with Harvard Medical School. “They are missing the chance they have to dream, to fantasize, to make their own world work the way they want it. That to me is a very important part of childhood,” he said in praising the AAP report.
What Are the Essential Components of Stress Management?
Parents and caregivers can help children manage stress by managing their schedules, promoting prosocial activities that benefit others as well as the individual, keeping the lines of communications open, and allowing unscheduled time for play and fun. Establish a Daily Family Routine
Studies show that successful students have a family routine that includes eating meals together, a regular time for homework each afternoon or evening, and going to bed at a set time. Just Say No
Set boundaries for your children. Children feel reassured and protected when guidelines are firm. Couching your “no” with care and concern is more likely to coax a cooperative response. Learn other ways to say “no,” such as “Yes, after your homework is done.” Help children learn to say no appropriately. This skill will be useful when difficult and stressful choices are presented during their teen years and throughout their lives.
Listen and Encourage
Listen to your child and encourage him to express his feelings, especially if you sense that he may be overwhelmed or experiencing stress. Respect her feelings and reassure her that everyone experiences nervousness, fear, and anxiety. It’s okay to feel this way.
Offer Stress Safety Valves
Every child, teen, and adult needs a toolkit of stress safety valves–ways to relax or enjoy some downtime. Tried and true safety valves include taking a walk, listening to music, breathing slowly on a 1 to 10 count, even smiling at someone.
Help your children relieve some of the pressure they might be feeling by providing time and space for large-motor activities such as running and jumping. Having a special time and place for noisy activities is an excellent outlet for expressing aggression. Working with clay, hammering at a workbench, or engaging in other physically active play can help. Physical activity is a great way to relieve stress and an essential part of a healthy lifestyle.
Parents can model and teach their kids how to cope. Adolescents who feel stretched by the pressures of school, extracurricular activities, friends and family, and perhaps a part-time job can learn and practice stress management skills. For example, break a large task into smaller ones and take time out from stressful situations. Practicing healthy behaviors also helps in decreasing stress: Exercise and eat regularly. Avoid excess caffeine intake that can increase feelings of anxiety and agitation.
Avoid alcohol, tobacco, and illegal drugs.
What Are Some Other Stress Management Tips?
Children who learn good stress management and good organizational skills can use them successfully today and forever. For example, by using a daily planner with a calendar and space for assignments, appointments, and other scheduled activities, your child can learn to plan ahead. And, make sure he marks in some moments for doing nothing at all, too.
Parents can serve as role models by managing their own stress and by setting priorities and limits, including bedtime. Scheduling time to talk and time to play helps both parents and their children handle stress.
For more tips, visit Combating Parental Stress.
Stress Busters
What takes less than a minute and helps reduce stress? Choose one or more or think of your own idea.
1. Taking a deep breath or two. 2. Getting up from your chair and stretching. 3. Watching the squirrels at play. 4. Loosening tight clothing. 5. Looking at the sun, moon, or stars, or the flowers in bloom. 6. Closing your eyes and thinking of something beautiful. 7. (Your idea)________________. Use whatever stress-reducing techniques work for you. Feel better.
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